Thursday, January 14, 2010

Hi

I didn't take a picture today. I've been feeling kind of sad, angry, mopey and uninspired. So..I'm going to write about that. There are a few things going on, one of them is that I make really bad decisions. Like the decision to quit my job in October. I shouldn't have done that. I'm a fucking idiot. It's really coming back to bite me now. I started a new job on Jan 5th but I'm not going to be paid in time to cover some things and well, there's really nothing I can do about it at this point other than face whatever the consequences might be. I have one option but I won't know for sure about it until tomorrow.

The second thing I'm angry about is the fact that I'm so self conscious that I can't do what I love (take pictures) when there's people around (ie; in public). For some unknown reason I just seize up and don't do what I want to do. I don't even know what I'm afraid of. It makes me mad as hell. There are a lot of opportunities during the day when I could be taking pictures...but I just don't, because "what if" enters my mind every time. I don't understand why I care what other people might think. I know I shouldn't care...but I can't help it.

The third thing is that 2009 in general has been really shitty to me. I'm pretty much at the same point I was when I ended 2008, minus a lot of money. The last third of the year has been super stressful due to the issues mentioned above, summer was cool (europe trip) but other than the first 6 months of the year were really, really bad. A lot of that has to do with a personal issue that really kind of messed with my head for a long time.

I'm sorry to spill this all out, but I felt bad not posting anything at all, and moe wouldn't let me post an old photo. I'll have a picture next time, I swear.

Ryan

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1 Comments:

Anonymous moe said...

we all have days like these. i guess if you don't have darkness, you can't appreciate the light as much?
...or something like that.

anyway. chin up, dude. yer awesome. last year is what it was. this year will be awesome!
i mean, we're doing this project, right? that's pretty cool..
:)

January 14, 2010 at 8:19 PM  

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