Hi

I didn't take a picture today. I've been feeling kind of sad, angry, mopey and uninspired. So..I'm going to write about that. There are a few things going on, one of them is that I make really bad decisions. Like the decision to quit my job in October. I shouldn't have done that. I'm a fucking idiot. It's really coming back to bite me now. I started a new job on Jan 5th but I'm not going to be paid in time to cover some things and well, there's really nothing I can do about it at this point other than face whatever the consequences might be. I have one option but I won't know for sure about it until tomorrow.

The second thing I'm angry about is the fact that I'm so self conscious that I can't do what I love (take pictures) when there's people around (ie; in public). For some unknown reason I just seize up and don't do what I want to do. I don't even know what I'm afraid of. It makes me mad as hell. There are a lot of opportunities during the day when I could be taking pictures...but I just don't, because "what if" enters my mind every time. I don't understand why I care what other people might think. I know I shouldn't care...but I can't help it.

The third thing is that 2009 in general has been really shitty to me. I'm pretty much at the same point I was when I ended 2008, minus a lot of money. The last third of the year has been super stressful due to the issues mentioned above, summer was cool (europe trip) but other than the first 6 months of the year were really, really bad. A lot of that has to do with a personal issue that really kind of messed with my head for a long time.

I'm sorry to spill this all out, but I felt bad not posting anything at all, and moe wouldn't let me post an old photo. I'll have a picture next time, I swear.

Ryan